![]() What matters, and what I try to focus on when coaching people through this stuff, is that you’re setting yourself up SO MUCH BETTER by allowing yourself to feel this pain and kind of feel through it. People deal with break-ups very differently and just because on the surface it doesn’t look like they’re feeling anything, that likely isn’t true.īut what matters here is you, not them. So if you are feeling crushed that you’re sitting here alone and your ex is out with someone else and plastering pictures about their new amazing life on Facebook, just know that it can be a coping mechanism. And whilst doing that they’ll be taking all of the stuff from the break-up over into that new dating scenario or relationship, which is a cocktail for a complete and utter car crash. ![]() They want to know that they can still get someone else and instead of using the time to get over the break-up and focus on themselves, they jump straight into the thing that’s going to give them the instant reassurance and confidence boost – dating someone else. Some people struggle to face being on their own and what that means. That’s not to say it doesn’t happen, but in many cases, it’s to fill that gap. It’s rare that you can meet someone when you’re straight out of a relationship and be fully in that new relationship for the right reasons. It probably means that this is what they’re using as a plaster/bandaid to temporarily heal that wound. Even if the relationship ended for the right reasons and they don’t want to be with you, moving on quickly doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten you. It will fill the gap where the relationship was and will fix what they’re feeling, which they can’t handle or deal with alone. The thing is, often people go in hot pursuit of finding someone else because they think that will fill the void of being without their ex. Just think of all the stories you hear where someone has dated a guy/girl and it hasn’t worked out because they were still hung up on their ex? Just because someone has seemingly moved on quickly, it doesn’t mean that they didn’t love us or that they’re over us or that the relationship didn’t matter to them. ![]() I think it’s important to understand that all of the thoughts listed above, many times, aren’t true. So how can they just hop onto Tinder in search of the next person whilst we’re crying ourselves to sleep, resembling someone who looks possessed the next morning? They found the break-up easy whilst we’re still in pain.Īll of these things can go through our minds because the thought of us being with anybody else just isn’t an option. The relationship clearly didn’t mean that much to them. Maybe they were secretly seeing that person behind our back. So obviously they didn’t love us that much in the first place. ![]() How can they just disregard us and go straight into something with someone else? I think part of that pain is not being able to understand how they’re able to move on so quickly. Whether they’re seeing, sleeping with or in a full blown relationship with someone else, the pain of knowing that it’s really over can be unbearable. That gut-wrenching moment when you find out your ex has moved on with someone else.
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